Intense Conversation

The other day, while I was in one of my classes, I got into this intense conversation with a friend of mine. She asked me about my beliefs, and I summarized the basics to her, how I believe in one God and the Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) was the last amongst them, how Muslims have to pray 5 times a day, but I forgot to mention Zakat & the pilgrimages to Makkah .. she already knew about fasting, then I asked her about her beliefs and she didn’t really know what to say.
She said to me that she believes in God and that God is everywhere. She's always singing songs about Jesus (gospel), but when I asked her if she believed Jesus to be god, she said no…(lol…funny stuff)
She didn’t know what to believe actually, she was pretty much lost. This girl that was listing to our conversation comes over and starts talking to us about religion too. She told me she was an atheist. When I asked her why, she said god was never there for her in her time of need, so god “must” be a fictional character, only to make people feel better about them selves. I was so surprised. I don’t remember what I said to her, all I remember is the teacher staring at me…
After a while, we suddenly started talking about why I was against homosexuality…..it was so disturbing talking about things like that. Then I told her that, the only reason why I was against it, is because my religion doesn’t allow it. Then she asked me “So…would you ever do anything to stop 'it' ?” I told her that even if I could…who would listen, right? Then she looked at me and said “good, I was hoping you weren’t one of those “anti homosexual people”. I had this puzzled look on my face, and then she told me that these 2 girls in one of our classes was “one of them”…and I’m like “say whaaat?? "
I really wanted to stop talking about it, and then she gets closer to me, as if whispering,
"I don’t mind people like that…I guess they’re just born like that, huh? ummmm…although I have a boyfriend, sometimes I get attracted to girls…but not to the extent that I would actually go out with one, hahaha”
I was horrified and my friend was staring at me and I’m staring back and I was like
“ hold up/hold up /hold UP ….what in heck just happened?”
I walked backwards really slowly, and said that I better get back to work…
That was one of “the most uncomfortable” moments I had ever gone through…
I can’t even look at that girl the same way I used to…
man they should ban that kind of stuff ….its just nasty, its sickening :/
Then when I was walking out of that class, the teacher looked at me with the biggest smile ever and said “wow…that was a pretty interesting conversation you had there…”
I laughed and walked out of class feeling like that whole conversation was pointless.... I didn’t even get my point across to that girl! I thought of so many things I could tell her.. but after it already happened!…I always do that, I always think of the best things to say AFTER it happened, so its no use. I also really don’t want to have to talk about “that” again.
Hopefully someone will set her straight.
All I gotta say is “Thank God for Islam” :)

Contemplations

I was thinking a lot today. I drifted off more then I usually do...I kept thinking... thought, after thought, after thought...a whole bunch of random stuff..
One that stuck to me...for a long time now, is the fact that so many of us Muslims seem to be so ashamed about ourselves, it’s quite saddening…
I went shopping with my dad today (lol..i know..I went with daddy... but I'm as broke as it gets) and I saw this Muslim woman with her little baby and a toddler, she was walking down the streets of South Edmonton Common, with her head up high and a big smile as she saw my father and I. It’s always comforting to be acknowledged by a random Muslim on the street : )
I watched her for awhile until I could no longer see her, but as I watched, I wished so badly that I could be like her. People, mostly men, think that the longer we wear hijab, the easier it gets. True, true (for some), but I’ve been wearing it since the first grade and it only got harder by the time I hit 11/12 yrs old. I think it was 9/11…that definitely shook up Toronto. It was so intense, that the teachers would be watching it in the middle of class, as it was happening. The next day people started asking me if I was from Afghanistan. (lol) …sometimes I would say yes, sometimes no, it wasn’t really considered lying because most of the people that were asking me already knew I wasn’t Afghani, they just did it to mess with me I guess. Like I was saying, yeah, I ain’t gon lie to anyone, but wearing the hijab is definitely the hardest thing… for me. Hijab is not necessarily just the veil on a woman’s head, it could also be described as the “whole” outfit (ex: abaya, jilbab etc) so yeah…it’s more my pick of outfit that I’m having such a hard time to adjust to, but it always helps me to remember a piece of advice given by a friend: that pleasing people isn’t going to get you anywhere in life or the hereafter, but pleasing god will give you satisfaction and some peace within the heart, and “heaven”.
To sum that up: (keep your eye on the prize = jannah)
Last week, I think it was a Tuesday, it felt like one of those hot summer afternoons. It was 3rd period and I was in the language lab, people started asking me if I was hot wearing what I was wearing. I smiled and said that I think its all psychological, if you get your mind to believe that it's really hot, then you’ll burn, even when your wearing the smallest pair of shorts you can find and a tank top, but if you make your mind believe that it’s not as hot as it seems to be…then it wont be…simple as that.
So… I’m doing my work right, then I spotted two Muslim girls standing at the door. One smiled at me and the other was lost in her own sea of thoughts. They walked towards me, I was so focused on my work that I hadn’t noticed they walked right by me, I looked at them, it was a very quick glance. I couldn’t believe what my eyes had just seen. I was so sure… I thought I had just seen…a Muslim girl wearing a skirt, not just any skirt, a mini skirt, and not just any mini skirt, the latest version of mini skirts in the fashion industry , the ones that poof out on the ends so when you bend down you see “everything”. I couldn’t believe it, I wouldn’t believe ….I still can’t believe it…
Maybe I mixed her up with someone else…I looked very fast so it could have been my mistake, but before I had anytime to look back…she was already gone.
If what I saw was the real deal, if what I saw was a Muslim girl degrading herself to the point in which her body is for all eyes to see, then subhan’Allah.
I thought of Judgment Day too and how near it can be. So many signs have come already.
Rasool’Allah (S.A.W) mentioned many signs that will determine the nearness of “yomal qiiamat”. He(S.A.W) said : when adultery will become widespread, and the drinking of wine will become common. When Islam will become worn out like clothes are, until no one will know what fasting, prayer, charity and rituals are…when women will be wearing clothes.. but not wearing clothes ...
Time is running out...

Today...

Today I went to that marriage talk at the U of A....I was suppose to go shopping instead but my dad got stuck in traffic at the airport so it was a last minute thing..I didn't think anyone my age would go...plus, I had nothing better to do.. either than studying but I'm sick of that. It was actually very interesting, i didn't take any notes though...sadly I'm not very good at taking notes..but the most important thing that I did learn is: not to expect too much from your futur spouse...but I like it better in the sense that we shouldn't expect too much from anyone because sometimes our expectations are to high wich "will" cause some killer problems. He (the speaker) also said to the ladies that we better forget about all those oh so fancy, fantasie weddings...cause it it gon happen! I was like "aww man! does that meen I wont get to wear a tiara when I get married :'( "

It was nice seeing all those muslim faces, the one thing i like about islamic seminars is the environment, its always so peaceful and everyone is so nice to one another, hugs and kisses on the cheek (lol).
Although some people are two faced (actually everyone is) and are so nice at these types of gatherings and become a totally different person in other public areas (such as school), its always good to see their better side when things like these come around : )
I met a few new people from Ottawa, some from my hometown Toronto, some Northsiders, Southsiders don't recall no east or westsiders (lol)

can't wait for that symposium though!

Makkah

Adan by Ali Mullah


"Du'a Al-Qunoot" by Shaikh AbdurRahmaan As-Sudais


Surah "Attahrim" by Shaikh AbdurRahmaan As-Sudais


I want to go :'(

A Day in the life of a Paradox

The act of staying sane is making me crazy
I watch the blind
hear the deaf
kill for life
happy to be angry
live for my death
I hate my love
live underground
but attack from above
a criminal for justice
I fight for peace
a fool for wisdom
a man with a piece
The chrome shines
but my kind laughs at guns
I fear none
that's when I got jacked by nuns
I live in a time when priests cheat
when a brothers keeper won't keep
when you can sell your body and sell your soul on the same street
demons make millions selling death to children
buildings take place of nature
the sun burns through glaciers
pure energy
you hear imagery
and see sounds
smell verbs and nouns
looked up to those underground
not those standing over
nowhere I find a four leaf clover
only weeds that are picked to inhale
jail cells in hell
my habitat repels
light and such
I can look for its touch but not much
I'm in nights clutch
trying to make me nocturnal
paternal thoughts
I watch
cross the street
slide and collide
with reality
the mentality of me is unknown
not fully grown
but owned by me
and only me
it's swollen me
to this illiotic level of poetry...

Amir Sulaiman
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ILLIOTIC! (lol)

Bus ride

This morning I woke up 30 minutes before catching my bus....Kind of weird since I usualy wake up 1 hour or 2 max before the bus comes. I had no time for breakfast and nearly forgot to brush my teeth, I had put my shoes on and ran out of the house. I got to the bus stop , I was half asleep and the bus came about 2 minutes after I got there. The bus stoped right infront of me and I was the last one to get on...
I'm on the bus and I could see this girl wearing one of those school uniforms with a little baby in a stroller. I was looking at her, but not really looking....like I said, I was half asleap so I didn't really know what it was I was looking at. All I see is her struggling with the stroller, she just kept moving it back and forth ..and I'm like "ok...whats goin on?" This other lady starts yelling at me and this other girl next to me...this is what she said "Can't you see she's tryna get off the bus?! Move outa the way! GEEZ!" I was so shocked and literally ran off the bus! I'm thinking "Oh my god." I get off the bus to make way, once I was off I told that girl that I was so sorry and that I didn't know she was trying to get off, she told me not to even worry about it and gave me a smile. The whole bus heard me when I apologized while the other girl(that was blocking my way to begin with and that was also yelled at) just stood there and watched her and gave me this wierd dirty look. I get on the bus and sit right in front of the woman that yelled at me, the whole bus ride she was looking at me and I could see her from the corner of my eye, I'm thinking "don't look back! don't look back!" She was so scary, when she yelled, it was as if she was only yelling at me, even though there were atleast 2 others in the way, and if it weren't for those 2, then I wouldn't even be in her way to begin with! I can't stop thinking about! I was thinking about it the whole entire day! I'm thinking "It's probably cause I'm muslim....or maybe cause I'm black!" ...But the woman who yelled at me was black and the girl with the stroller was black....so I guess that doesn't work (lol)....but I did look around..and I was the only muslim that I could "see" on the bus, no other hijabs, no coofis.....I'm not going to jump to conclusion here but when I ever I get dirty looks, I know its because of the way I dress (hijab)....I dont get why people seem so threatened by a girl wearing a veil...it's acually really funny. (lol)

Goodness Gracious!

The weirdest thing ever!!
My 6 yrs old sister comes back from her quran classes and this guy from school brings her home. I didn't know he was there but i yelled out "IM NOT WEARING A HIJAB" really loud just incase. My brothers always leave the doors open..I dont know why but its getting irritating! There's always some ramdom guys walking in and out of this house..so I basically have to wear my hijab 24/7 !!! Ok...so all i see is my baby sis. come through the door and I'm like "oh, its just you:) ". Im about to close the door and someones head just pops out! My mouth droped to the ground, and "HE" ,yes, "he" looked straight at me and says "Hi Deka". I couldn't even move, my mouth practically hit the ground and my eyes were as wide as it gets! I ran to the living room to get my hijab. I WASN'T WEARING MY HIJAB AND I WAS WEARING A T-SHIRT!! omg :'( Since when do you just peak into somebodies house?!
(Im just thankful that i did my hair the night before and that it wasn't afro'd up..that would of been even weirder.)
lol..just kidding.
It's going to be so weird seing him at school tomorow....
(kill me)

I miss those days...

It only seems like yesterday...
Those days of...running against the wind with all my might, swirling in the rain until I was drenched, those days of constant laugher and constant daydreams, I was so full of life but knew nothing of reality.