Im getting scared. real scared. yesterday night before maghrib, the sky looked as if it were on fire. blazing fire. Yeah, it was beautiful, but i couldnt help the thought of judgement day. My brother was like "isnt tomorrow friday...." lol, he was trying to get me even more scared then i was already. the night before, i fell asleep really late doing some h/w and woke up at 2:30am to a quran in my hands tucked under me.... i couldnt remember if i fell asleep reading it, i couldnt remember how it even got into my hands at the time. I think im losing my mind.
I havn't watched the news lately...i was at juma and a friend told me about the bombing in lebanon. got me even more scared! a friend of mine is over there right now. She went to visit her dad for the summer....i hope she's alright iA.
Muslims around the world are getting killed....subhan'Allah, and while most of us sit back with no worries.... and wait, wait. wait for what?
Next thing u know they'll be comming for Somalia, Pakistan,Bangladesh, Gayana, Egypt and so on....then maybe we'll care .. then maybe...just maybe we'll care.
I think the end of the world is near. ppl usualy think im wierd when i talk like that..."sooo...hows life" "meh....same old. school's boring, most of my friends left the country and I have this really strong feeling that the end of the world is comming...how bout u?:)"

Ive been told that im pretty inteligent for a "black" "female"....lol....it was a joke, i laughed she laughed, i know she didnt meen it...jussst a joke. But it got me thinking, i know a few ppl that always give me this surpised look whenever i get good grades...geezzz. funny how society works though, ud think racism is completely gone aye. HA. i hate to say but i sometimes even see it in the masjid, no joke.
During halaqa today a few girls were asking how a man can "not" be married to his slavegirl and still get babies with her....umm this was way back in the day, way back as in prophet(saw) time.
i dont think its alowed nomore though. i thought about english class and how im soooo thankful we didnt read "to kill a mocking bird" in that class. I had already read it like 4 yrs ago, its a real good book. I just hate how they use the N word after almost every 2nd sentence. We read "the miracle worker" instead, they used that word a couple of times in that book....
the teacher reads outloud right...so everytime he would say it, all you would see is ppl looking at me from the corner of their eyes. analyzing my every movement and reactions.lol....one time, i let out one big ol' sigh without even knowing, but it was at the exact time the teacher had droped the N bomb...heads turned so fast ud probably hear snaps if u were close enough. ...i just laughed it off. A friend of my brothers had to read to kill a mockingbird in his class. the students read outloud instead of the teacher reading. They all had some fun throwing the N word around knowing that some black guy wont beat them up for it since they "had to" ...lol. But my bro's friend got out of his seat and started yelling at the teacher and the students for being so inconsiderate....after that little incident, they literally used "n word" everytime they came across that word.LOL

I met a convert at halaqa today, i think her name is Shareen. She's so masha'Allah in everyway.
I admire her greatly. I have so many questions that i want to ask her. i hope i dont scare her away though lol.

good night
salam