January 13th 1990

At fifteen I was ecstatic to turn sixteen, and at sixteen I waited anxiously for the minute hand to strike twelve so I can announce to the world that I was no longer a child…
but only a year away from being legalized lol
A year has passed and my long wait for eighteen ends today.
Eighteen really doesn’t feel any different. To tell you the truth, when January came around I kinda dreaded turning the big 1-8. It’s like…a whole new number!
Man, I JUST got used to seventeen…
and honestly, I don’t feel ready for all the responsibilities eighteen carries. It’s like…now I’m expected to do so many things on my own cause today I’m an adult.
Hold up, does this mean I was a child yesterday? This transition from a girl to a mature woman over night really ain’t workin for me, dog. I need more time! lol

In the midst of people surrounding me and wishin me a good year and a happy birthday, I couldn’t help but feel discontented. I thought eighteen would satisfy my need for satisfaction. but I really don’t find anything magical about it.
I mean…it’s just a number, right?
I dunno... I just thought eighteen would be different. but it ain’t nothin more than just another yesterday. *sigh*
This dude in my social class asked if I was going to party it up and have some drinks since I’m legal and whatnot. I just laughed and pointed at my hijab and he got the drift.lol.
Four years ago, when my eldest brother turned eighteen, I promised myself to so many commitments by the time my day came around. Today is here and those commitments have been broken.
All but one…
I already miss seventeen and it’s only been a day or rather a few hours. I feel like I’m too young to be yearning for my past and yet it’s that very feeling that makes me feel… old.

My family has never been big on birthdays… so birthday wishes don't mean a thing up in this house lol.
but this morning, my 5 yr old brother and 7 yr old sister woke me up at 7:30am (on a weekend!) to wish me a happy birthday. that was too cute lol. No one ever remembers birthdays in this house..(cept me and the kids lol). My older brothers completely forgot it was my 18th…actually, my bad. one of them did wish me a happy birthday. but I'm pretty sure he remembered thanks to the "facebook birthday reminders" lol. gotta love facebook.
i never remind people of my birthday, I usually tell them the day of ... or the day after lol. I try not to make a big deal about it ...although i do find it to be a big deal =\

maybe nineteen will be different...
if i live to see that day. (insha'Allah!)
and god willing I’ll have many more years to come

enough talk. I should probably go study for those dang diplomas.